(Part of me is) I am (that I am) human.


Funny how when you’re working someone else’s job, that time goes so slowly, you could chew your own wrists for hours in agony.. Your cupboards are full, bills paid, you think about what you’ll do in your “off-time” and the horrendous routine ticks ticks tick-tocks monotonously, painfully along another day another day another day…
But when you’re working your own purpose, there’s just never enough of it, not time, not money, not guidance, not air, not space… you’re tired as (!$*!), but your heart is full and you can’t you can’t you cannot just cannot stop.! ..It’s a time travel speed train..
How did I get here again? And where’s the halfway in-between place of calm and rest and the outside evidence of this peace inside? (And the stuff I preach?!)

how (!!!)

to always maintain “sanity” in this world and this city, when you can feel your limbs turning twisting green from longing and yearning for a forest,

you can feel your bones and joints petrify and crumble from aching for the earth,

and you’re swooshing and swindling yourself and this body,

back and forth,
like the ocean waves,

as the beautiful moon pushes and pulls her perpetual, wicked way with you..?

What do you tell your mind to believe if what you know is too large for it to hold?

How do you accept this frustrating composition of cells, in a set form called “human”, and love it unconditionally with all its flaws and such immense limitation?

I have come (here) to learn to love my choices (it seems).


Connected Detachment

Our hardest battles are fought alone.
A year or three or twelve easily passes without ever consciously processing the events that shape our reality.
Only after an honoring of one’s own process, an act of self-care, a courageous choice to return to the self, will sore memories surface to be acknowledged and hopefully released.
Tears well up from the deep, of triggers long trapped in these bodies we inhabit.
This life is long still, and a multitude of others are strung together in a loop, loop ever far reaching beyond, teaching beyond understanding.
The most painful experiences are in the end the most beautiful. A heart dark and full of fear and disappointment can only be broken and opened by the sacred acceptance of the soul’s journey towards ever more light, driven by love, divine love.
We exist in this space only to love and support each others healing. We crave not feeling alone, and cannot heal ourselves without the others. We feel attached but can only love by detaching, yet connecting, serving selflessly, yet staying secure in our own individual beingness.
Still we do feel alone when faced with our own ascension, and no other, even with the best of intentions, can ever understand or know or feel or truly be connected to our each individual experience.
The only comfort in this existence is love.
We can truly share only in interaction and flowing around and through each other. No one human can carry another’s burden, as in the end, it will all come into balance and you will see that the path you believed you were sharing with another, was essentially only your own.
All, yes, ALL contracts with other beings, inevitably, have to be released. We cannot stay connected indefinitely, since stagnation is not in the nature of oursoul’s ultimate completion. 
In essence, I am, you are, only alone, but multi-faceted, each of us an aspect of the other, so we can believe and interact, feel the warmth of love as we pretend to dance with each other, though essentially with our own inner beings.
Though this may seem a rather sad existence, in fact, the gift that comes with it is JOY. A joyous and grateful heart is our only salvation. And the only tool is LOVE.



Al wat ek onthou is dat ek jou doodgedruk het in die nat gras.


Ek het geskryf en myself uitgeslym bietjie vir bietjie op papier met n potlood, nooit n pen nie.


Saam het ons gaan stap, elke dag, sodra die swelling te seer gesweer het.


In die middae, as die veld stil was en die stadion leeg, kon ons praat, want daar was niemand daar behalwe ek, jy, die nat gras, papier canvas en geliefde potlood nie.


Gelydelik bietjie bietjie is elke gevoel gevoel, verwoord. Soms angstig, soms kwaad, soms seer.


Altyd warm. Altyd eerlik.


Rondom my kop en binne in my hart het ons gedraai en spiraal spelonk gegly-gly-gly tot ons bodem geslaan het. Hard. Seker. Genoeg. Gedoen.


Eendag is eendag is nou wat ons steeds dwaal drentel swerf saam. Sal jy my ooit los of is ons vir altyd vas in die stof van ons bestaan of dit nou is of dan of toe?


Terloops ter wille van die teerheid het die tafels gedraai en die stoele aanhou skuif. Nooit kry ons genoeg nie. Nooit is dit vir ewig reg nie. Altyd moet ons soek.


Van more af is wat jy altyd se. Van nou af is ons klaar. Dis genoeg. Dis te veel. Dis verlede. Dis verveel.


Die son skyn elke oggend in my hart se skeur n letsel. Wat my dryf wat my skuif wat my aanhou maak onthou.


Jy hou my vas soos min ander ooit het. Ek het jou nie lief nie. Jy maak my seerder. Maar jy is altyd daar. Selfs as ek jou weggooi wegjaag wegjou…


Verlange nooit vergete. Ek sien gesigte, altyd joune. Jy het blou baba oe wat my altyd aanhou kyk. Jou hare skyn die sonlig dat dit meer word.


Is genoeg nooit genoeg nie? Tot wanneer dan is ons nie klaar nie?


Ek het jou lief. Ek het nie.






Yielding & Forgiveness. (Salvation)

In gratitude I would like to share a few insights from my sessions with clients this week.

As we approach the new moon (this Saturday), it is a beneficial time for reflecting on what old beliefs we hold and to release patterns no longer serving us.

In working to increase beneficial flow in our lives, we create harmony and healthy community, nourishment for the whole as well as personal enrichment on our individual paths through life.

I wish to share with you and encourage, through my (our) work: self-healing, transformation, forgiveness and the essence of unconditional love. Gratitude for co-creating our world and the beauty and support we share.

In returning to the self, taking responsibility, being accountable for the world that we see, we create a space of silence, a vacuum, a pull, potential for new energy to enter our lives.

All of what we see has been created by our judgments, good or bad, thoughts, feelings and reactions to what we (think we) see. Thus, we react upon what we ourselves created in the first place, which creates another situation to be reacted upon, creating another and another and so on and so forth… It all started with our first intent.

Each and every intention (choice/decision/judgment) is an act of creation. A thought, an action, a feeling… These are tools of manifestation that we have been given as a gift to “will” realities into our physical world.

As we interact and communicate, react and respond, we are co-creating a beautiful world of polarity, duality, ebb and flow, flux and reflux, breathing in and out, bringing into manifestation our thoughts and feelings, breaking down what we no longer choose, in a cycle such as the moon’s becoming full and waning again to darkness. Cycles repeat by default unless we decide otherwise, with the gift of free will that we (consciously or sub-consciously) impose on our individual, but connected, world(s).

The beauty of infinite potential is found in stillness, quiet reflection, the place where we sit and return within, look at our own world and see it all as a reflection of our own inner being. Retracting and accounting for how we see things, people and situations every once in a while, places responsibility back into our own hands and provides the freedom of choice, especially when we feel helpless and overwhelmed.

“Owning” our experience is what places “will” back into a space of “freedom” to create what we desire.

The first step in resolving my issues and blame upon others, is to acknowledge my projection on them, and first to forgive myself for attracting/creating this energy in my life. The truth is that it (the person / situation) has brought wisdom, learning and awareness to my own automatic ego-response that no longer serves me.

Unconscious manifestations, patterns, situations of helplessness and overwhelm, feeling stuck and uncomfortable, is healed and transformed by firstly gratitude and honoring the experience (surrender), acknowledging that I, myself, am responsible for creating this situation, then forgiving myself for projecting this energy into my world. By honoring my accountability, I release (judgment/intention on) the person/situation (gifting me with awareness) and transform it by choosing a new response within myself and towards my outer world.


The topic of “H’oponopono”, an ancient Hawaiian spiritual practice, featured much in the past two weeks. The practice entails applying that which I discuss above by returning to a quiet and honoring space within oneself, taking responsibility and envisioning a person/situation one is struggling with, speaking/projecting these four intentions onto it/them (the sequence differs here and there from different sources, but you’ll get the idea if you practice it):

“I love you”

“I am sorry”

“Please forgive me”

“Thank you”

Try it. If your intent is pure, you will feel a shift in your body and see how the situation transforms from there on. (There’s a lot more info available on the Internet regarding H’oponopono, just search (Ask!))


A few questions for self-reflection I’d like to add to this message:

  1. What subconscious assumptions/beliefs do I hold about my world/work?
  2. What is possible in my world and who cares about that? (Those who care or with similar intent are the ones I should spend more time and energy with)
  3. What needs my immediate attention going forward?
  4. How can I best manage my world/company/family/community?
  5. What is the next level of thinking (creating) I/we should do?
  6. What seed might we plant together today that could make the most difference to the future (of your/our/the situation)


Tao Te Ching (Chapter 40):

Returning is the motion of the Tao.

Yielding is the way of the Tao

The ten thousand things are born of being.

Being is born of not being.


A Course in Miracles (Lesson 115):

My function here is to forgive the world

for all the errors I have made.

For thus am I released from them with all the world.


Affirmation adapted from the 72 Names of God (#34):

FORGET THYSELF (letting go of stubborn ego)


I now transcend the limits of my own being. I cling to the Light. Happiness finds me now that my ego is out of the spotlight.

I am getting out of the way and allowing the Light to guide me.

Instead of clinging to beliefs, I open up and allow transformation in my life.

I have real desire, not for myself alone, but to connect to something greater.



ONE MORE QUESTION… Since we’re responsible for what we create:




written and compiled by:

May van Reenen

Holistic Health Practitioner

59 Garsfontein Rd, Yoga Harmony, Cape Connection

Pretoria, South Africa


16 April 2015


live for what if its all about meaning?

After two/three years of self-imposed ‘disciplinary action’ in my world, to reel me-self in and restore balance after some rather high highs and low lows, conclusions are starting to surface… One of these little gems I’ve “learnt” (as if we didn’t know before) is that mediocre things that make sense stands awfully much in the way of ecstatic bohemian experiences that don’t make sense.
Common sense is, well, common (and boring, boring, boring). I “sense” better when I “sense”, in an uncommon way, that there’s more out there to be lived, seen, felt, awed over and sunken into, even if it is reckless. What’s the point in not going there? I can see the mundane (mediocre) benefits of common sense, but is it really worth being there doing that, compared to how much more of life there is to live?
I have learnt some discipline in this time of assessment and temperance, which, i guess, was the objective from the start, (since apparently one cannot sustain an ‘alien’ existence if one is to stay on this planet.. ghmf.) but!, mundane and mediocre can both go right back to wherever (sad & boring) they came from.
I shall now pursue even higher highs and lower lows, but in a disciplined, sustainable manner. (noddy badge!)

The point (and the purpose of living) is.. there is no point.. except just really to LIVE.
(what? no mission? ..!!!! …?!)
(gets kinda boring, doesn’t it?)

That’s about as far as i have gotten with this. Now, what to do, neeeeeeeeexxt!!!!!!!?