fish out of water

have you ever wondered, if a fish had feelings, what it would feel like to be out of water?
would it feel anything, panic, pain, shock, cold, warmth, or would it be stunned and overwhelmed and would it choose to numb or maybe even surrender to wonder?
would it really gape and search for ‘breath’ or for water?

would the frenzied flappy struggle really be an attempt to go back to how it was before or would it be an involuntary reaction, by instinct and physical nature, to a different environment, in which it is trying to swim, as it did before, but simply cannot, by science, grace or nature?

why would it have landed on land, out of the water, anyway?

but here we are now.. on land.
what options are there,
if one has no sink and no swim?

and more importantly… am i a fish?

100 Themes 003: Light / Escape is Imminent.

 

i wish to burst

like the sun through a morning tree

my crown wide open

so should I see

 

fear not my fear

for loss or fear thereof

we’ll swell through the waves gently

we’ll hold each other near

 

light in isolation

out of darkness

returning

surely we lie

pray

forgive me

for i am not yet

 

but i am

becoming.

 

 

Yes… No, Thank You

Oh my “word”. It has begun.

Starting out on a new life, I wish to say ‘again’, but it (always) feels so new, I can’t claim that I’ve been here before, even if I might have. Isn’t it all just in the head/mind/ego anyway?

On saying “No!” to my previous life, which wasn’t bad at all, just expired, in fact, much envied by most, I was confronted by a vacuum, an emptiness, a HOLE so to speak, slap bang in the middle of my chest. This emotional phenomena I experienced so intensely that I could feel it physically, or rather, ‘not’ feel it physically, since it was so empty and.. empty.. nothing. No – Thing.

This emptiness wasn’t new, and it wasn’t unfamiliar. It had been a long-standing avoidance. It had been a lack of self-love. It had been me, hiding. It had been an excuse, applied wherever my dearest ego saw opportunity for blame. ..and it had been enough… Enough of living with it, though in the past enough of a scapegoat. Enough of a feeling of ‘aliveness’ even if it’s painful. Enough to not step up to my own plate of compassion. But now it had been far enough and long enough that i had been humouring this “no”thing.

Being nursed in this space now, is a new receptivity, a beautifully blossoming trust, a becoming.

The process and exodus, so to speak, required brave and strategic moves, most of which, surprisingly, were very mundane, simple. It is still taking courage, seeing it through, carrying on, keeping a “vision”, which, in all essence is purely undefined as yet.

To appreciate trust, one must experience the lack of it. To learn to trust, one must step through the fear of yet another challenge, adamantly claiming a new reality, step by step, for oneself. There is no other way, but to just simply shift from “Yes, I’ll live with it” to “NO! I Won’t” to “YES! What’s next?”.

I give thanks to this “no”thing of emptiness. It has been the one and only thing that would dislodge me from an all consuming comfort, soon to have become dis-comfort.

“No, thank you!” now to all that is yesterday… even the good and the great of the past. I have loved and experienced it all perfectly as it were and am ready now for all that is new.

Oh my “word”… as my word required “NO!”.. it then became “YES!”